Are we above the line or below the line?

On the power of conscious leadership

Most of the things I’ve come to learn about leadership weren’t sourced from a one-time training, workshop, or mentoring session, but rather, a conscious decision, time and time again, to be both intentional and reflective.

But being reflective isn’t always easy, and it’s certainly not something we’re conditioned to do. To look inward and name that hard stuff deep down that might be creeping towards the surface again.

In a recent conversation with

Zalman Nelson

from Strength Through Feeling, we talked about this exactly—how we need to be able to understand how different experiences, even if dated and seemingly irrelevant, come back around. And yes, this includes the stuff from childhood that, perhaps, we’ve never really thought about processing.

Why? Because understanding ourselves—the good, the bad, and the ugly— can positively impact our relationship with both ourselves and others.

But what does this have to do with leadership?

In short, everything.

Despite the fact that we’ve come to normalize (and internalize) the separation of the personal and professional, doing so is simply not possible. The common thread across personal and professional settings is that, at the end of the day, we’re human beings in both. We never cease to be emotional creatures with complex histories and, in many cases, traumas. Thus, our experiences and triggers from beyond the walls of the office will naturally and undoubtedly be brought back inside it.

And honestly, we need to stop pretending that this isn’t okay. Because it absolutely is okay.

Why? Because it’s normal. It’s human.

The idea that we can—or should—leave parts of ourselves at the door is rooted in outdated, harmful ideas, and straight-up impractical expectations about workplace culture. Because asking people to compartmentalize themselves—to split themselves in two—is quite dehumanizing.

True leadership doesn’t expect people to mute their realities. What true leadership does is create space for multiple realities, experiences, and tensions to co-exist. It meets people where they are, honors complexity, and recognizes that more magic happens when we lean into our humanity, not away from it.

The thing that’s not okay, however, is choosing not to understand the ways in which we show up and why. Ignoring these realities is not leadership in its truest and best form.

How come? Well, again, the answer lies in the fact that we’re human. And as human beings, we possess both the responsibility and ability to be reflective. To understand ourselves on a deeper level, and to utilize that for the benefit of our interactions with others. It is, indeed, a moral duty.

The folks behind The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership—an amazing book and framework I’ve kept handy for years, speak pointedly and eloquently around the topic of conscious leadership, mapping out the four stages of leadership consciousness:

• To Me (blame, reactivity)

• By Me (personal responsibility, choice)

• Through Me (trust, surrender, alignment)

• As Me (oneness, unity)

I love this framework not only because it allows for practical application, but because, it’s really quite simple. You’re either leading consciously, or you’re not. But more on that in a bit.

Unfortunately, most of us spend a lot of time in the realm of To Me: We think about things from a place of isolation and disconnection. “This is happening to me. They’re making my job harder. I can’t win.”

Leadership, however, begins when we move to By Me: We’re more in tune and connected. “I choose how I respond. I have agency. I can own my impact.”

The authors of The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership use the image of a black line as an anchor in their work to help folks better assess the stage of leadership they’re currently in.

“When leaders are below the line, they are closed and defensive,” they say, “and when they are above the line, they are open and curious.

It’s as simple as asking, “Are you committed to being right, or are you committed to learning?” With the former meaning that you’re leading from above the line and the latter meaning that you’re leading from below it.

Either you’re leading consciously, or you’re not.

Now you might be wondering, “What exactly is the problem with being right? After all, isn’t getting it right good for business?”

Sure—accuracy, good decision-making, clean strategy? All of that matters. But there’s a catch, because what if there’s a better way that’s not yet being tapped into? When our primary goal is to be right, we close the door to opportunities to do things better.

Being right might win one meeting. But being open builds teams that scale, adapt, and solve hard problems together. Being open leads to winning multiple times.

For any of the pessimists in the room, here’s a bit more on why being above the line (learning) is better for business:

• It drives innovation. Teams can’t be bigger, bolder, and better if their leader shuts down anything that challenges the status quo.

• It builds trust. Teams feel safer bringing up risks, owning mistakes, and sharing feedback when they’re not worried about triggering a big ego.

• It enhances learning. Leaders who say, “I didn’t get that right—let’s go back to the drawing board” model humility and resilience, and that saves time while improving outcomes.

• It promotes retention. Good folks want to grow and learn, and they know that working for someone who’s always right and never reachable isn’t going to help them do that.

You might also be wondering whether learning can be equated with a lack of knowledge, strategy, or direction. On the contrary. Learning means you know what you’re solving for, and you’re willing to course-correct to get there. It’s not uninformed or indecisive—it’s iterative, and it’s practical, because human being can never be all-knowing.

Learning is also the reason behind why some leaders grow healthy, sustainable, and high-impact teams, while others act like hurricanes, bound to destroy everyone in their path.

Being right might give us a temporary high. But being open is what moves leadership, people, and organizations forward.

The thing about being above or below the line is that both are totally normal. We all seek out those quick wins from time to time, and then we move back above the line. But if we’re calling ourselves real leaders, we need to make every effort not to get stuck below the line.

So, what does this actually look like?

Let’s break it down:

Below the line:

• Someone on the team pushes back in a meeting, and our response is to shut it down.

• A project fails and our first instinct is to try to find someone to blame.

• A new team member joins the team, and we’re not super welcoming because we feel intimidated.

• Someone gives us difficult feedback on how we engage with our colleagues, and our body tightens before they can finish.

Above the line:

• We feel defensive, but we stop and ask, “Can you share a little more?”

• When a project flops we say, “Let’s pause and look at what we missed or forgot to plan for.”

• We have a new colleague that makes us feel intimidated, but we commit to doing our part to support and make them feel welcome.

• Someone gives us feedback that’s hard to hear, but we thank them and then give ourselves space to reflect before responding.

As you can hopefully see, above the line isn’t doesn’t always look perfect. It doesn’t mean we're totally graceful or calm or wise all the time. And it doesn’t have to. Because if we’re above the line, we’re aware, and we not only notice when we’ve dropped below it, but we make a conscious choice to move back up.

Real leadership begins when we shift above the line. When we know we’re feeling something, but we respond from a place of awareness and ownership.

And even then, it takes considerable practice. Moment after moment. Conversation after conversation. And that’s okay. That’s human.

So when we find ourselves being pulled down towards defensiveness, urgency, insecurity, and blame, it might be time to pause and ask ourselves:

“Where am I on the line right now?”

And even if we’re below it, there’s no reason we can’t choose to come back up again. Awareness is the first step. Ownership is the next. And grace—for ourselves and others—leads to a sense of full and embodied consciousness that benefits everyone, including our organizations.

Leadership isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being honest with ourselves and others—about being open to learning and growing—especially when we find ourselves below the line.

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