The Triple A Method
How to to move through conflict in 3 simple steps
The Cost of Conflict in the Modern Organization
Conflict is par for the course in our working lives, whether we’re overseeing a small team, running a local business, or leading a large multinational organization.
However, if poorly managed, these issues can lead to all sorts of bigger problems, spiraling out of control into costly burdens that harm both people and profit.
Consider these realities:
According to a study by CPP Inc. (now part of Myers-Briggs), workplace conflict costs the U.S. over $359 billion annually, or more than $3,600 per employee.
According to one study in the UK, an average of 485,800 employees resign each year as a result of conflict. The cost of recruiting replacement employees amounts to billions of dollars each year whilst the cost to employers of lost output as new employees get up to speed amounts to even more, with an estimate of roughly £14.9 billion each year.
SHRM research shows the connection between civil workplaces and positive business outcomes. Alternatively, workers who view their workplaces as uncivil are more than 3x as likely to be dissatisfied with their job and more than 2x as likely to leave their jobs in the next year.
And these are just a few examples of how organizations pay hefty taxes for poorly managed conflicts.
But if we know the costs, why are we not spending more time on the issue? Why are we letting ourselves continue to be trapped by the unfettered tension and chaos brought about by unresolved conflict?
The Human Origins of Conflict
If you talk to most human beings, they’ll tell you the same thing…
“Conflict is uncomfortable.”
“Conflict is hard.”
Or some other variation.
Unfortunately, conflict is something we all tend to avoid, even when we know it might actually be the key to solving our problems.
Think, for example, about a time when you avoided asking for something you needed at work because you were afraid of what your boss might say. Or a time when you were frustrated with your spouse because they kept making something for dinner that you didn’t actually like… without actually telling them. These are everyday examples of conflict avoidance in action, whether we think of them as such or not. Because simply put, we just don’t like it when we experience tension with other human beings.
But our eagerness to steer clear of conflict isn’t just anecdotal; it's well-understood in the field of evolutionary psychology.
Early humans lived in group settings where cooperation and social cohesion were crucial behaviors for survival. Conflict within a group could weaken the social connections necessary for protection and the sharing of vital resources such as food, clothing, and potentially life-sustaining weaponry. With basic survival as the cornerstone of early human societies, avoiding conflict became an effective strategy not only for avoiding external threats, but for sustaining life itself.
Further, many early human group dynamics were centered around hierarchical structures where challenging authority could lead to exclusion and, in some cases, punishment. This embedded within our psyche a tendency to avoid direct confrontation with those in positions of power—a behavior that was reinforced further during the opportunistic colonial era and the rapid advancements of the Industrial Revolution.
As a result, we now see avoidance as a self-preserving strategy in both personal and professional modern-day contexts.
The 21st-century Human
Great, so now you understand why you’re scared to talk to your boss, or why you won’t tell your husband you don’t like those weird eggplant tacos he keeps making. It’s just a part of our nature. All good, right?
Well, sure, it’s wired into our biology, but honestly, the 21st-century human can do better than that.
Of course, understanding the historical factors that have shaped current human behavior is a good starting point, but I often see people lean into them as an excuse. Like it’s something that justifies our poor behavior.
The familiar may feel safe, but it’s actually not, and the only way to begin combatting this is by recognizing when our inclination to avoid conflict is actually hindering our progress.
As human beings have evolved, the fear of being devoured by a wild animal the second we step outside our home has diminished—largely a byproduct of societal advancements like secure housing infrastructure.
But in the wake of progress, we’ve also been fortunate to develop an expanded repertoire of psychological resources, gaining a heightened understanding of tools like dialogue, empathy, and negotiation. Especially in the advent of increasingly refined conflict resolution theories and practices, alongside a growing emphasis on emotional intelligence in modern organizational life, we are no longer trapped by our biological tendencies.
We are deeply fortunate that we now have the unique ability to approach disagreement through more constructive means, moving towards the resolution of conflict in ways that were previously unfathomable. This evolution reflects our burgeoning realization that conflict, when managed thoughtfully and effectively, can lead to growth, innovation, and ultimately, survival.
A Tool For Everyday Use
Recognizing the potential for growth through conflict invites us to explore more effective approaches to communication. We are fortunate that we now have the opportunity to move beyond the survival-of-the-fittest-mindset towards something that’s not only healthier, but more fruitful.
Still, conflict resolution tools can be complex or incongruous. Especially when seeking out resources to aid us in navigating workplace tensions, what we often discover feels overwhelming. Many frameworks are overly complex, full of jargon, or designed for scenarios that reflect century-long conflicts happening at the global scale rather than the more toned-down realities of the everyday workplace conflict. And even if we have the time and energy to spare for a workshop or conflict mediator who can simplify things for us, we might not have the extra budget for it.
I’d like to challenge us to lean into more accessible—but still effective—approaches to workplace conflict. By shifting our mindset and utilizing a simple, structured tool like my Triple A Method, we can begin to build out a system that guides teams towards conflict resolution time and time again.
I invite you to go ahead and try it out. It’s an approach that empowers individuals and teams to engage in meaningful dialogue, transforming conflict into an opportunity for collaboration and understanding while normalizing discord as a necessity—not a threat—to our survival.
The Triple A Method
A – Acknowledge
First, you need to acknowledge the issue. Name the tension to help clear the air, and seek to make the other person feel heard.
Sample phrasing:
“It’s my understanding you’re frustrated because this is yet another change impacting your weekly workflow, and I definitely get it.”
Key considerations:
Paraphrase what you’ve heard to show you’re listening and ensure understanding.
Avoid judgmental phrasing such as “you’re overreacting” and instead lean into empathy.
People often relax and are more open to discussion if they feel heard.
A – Align
Second, you need to find alignment across competing priorities, demonstrating that you understand the value of both perspectives. A simple “Both/And” statement can help bridge the gap.
Sample phrasing:
“We need to be mindful of BOTH how we want to do it AND the needs of the other teams involved.”
Key considerations:
Frame differences as complementary rather than contradictory.
Look for shared long-term goals (things like efficiency, success, etc.).
Signaling respect for the other person’s priorities can help you find common ground.
A – Advance
Third, it’s about moving things forward. Provide one clear and actionable next step to get the ball rolling.
Sample phrasing:
“Let’s do this: I’ll set up a meeting for all of us to connect about how we can make this as smooth as possible for everyone.”
Key considerations:
Keep the next step concrete, realistic, and time-bound.
Avoid putting it all on the other person. Sharing responsibility makes things more palatable.
Summarize agreements/next steps to prevent misunderstandings.
Quick tips:
Practice active listening to fully understand the issues at hand.
Use neutral language to avoid escalating the conflict.
Schedule follow up check-ins to monitor progress and maintain open communication.
This tool is best used when initiated by managers, department heads, and other leaders. Once the new rhythm for working through conflict is established, it can be a valuable tool for use among team members.
Try it out, and let me know what you think:).
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Triple A Worksheet
3 simple steps to resolve conflict.
An easy-to-use, repeatable framework that guides leaders towards conflict resolution time and time again.
Perfect for:
✅ Leaders that want to become better at managing conflict.
✅ Organizations that can’t afford conflict management workshops or mediators.
✅ Conflict-heavy teams that are suffering from issues with morale, productivity, and retention.
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Great post! Your method is easy to remember and helpful for me. I lead a small team, so I have to address workplace conflict from time to time. Like many people, I struggle with avoiding it, but I know it will get easier to address over time.
Another great and high value post. I’m always learning something new, thank you.